The Tovar Papers – Read How the City Of Phoenix Allows an Admitted Child Molester, Peanut Butter Connoisseur and Son of a Cop To Roam the Streets. Be Careful Glendale, Arizona! Better Lock Your Doors, Because This Stuff Is NASTY!

– OPEN DISCLOSURE –
If you are offended by reading about bestiality, sex with children and molestation of minors,  close this Blog posting now and call the Phoenix PD and request a follow-up and prosecution into DR #2009-90322630.

However…
If you are a mature adult and want to know the lengths the Phoenix PD will go to, to hide one of their own, then keep reading – please still make the phone call to the Phoenix PD – but prepare to be disgusted on how rotten the Phoenix PD truly is.

This Blog is a bit disturbing and rest assured - we DID NOT make this up!

It’s silliness, pure silliness. It’s the nature of the game with these dickweeds…Ya know? They just keep going and going and won’t stop. What we have to do is keep him from going to Jack because the chief will ask us, why can’t we just make him an IL?  It’s all about getting this guy off our ass.  That’s the problem. That’s the problem.  I’m not saying to DO IT now…– Louie Anthony Tovar , former Commander of Family Investigations and sex crimes 2008.

************************

When Louie Anthony Tovar, Commander in the Phoenix, PD made this statement, his son was experimenting with the family dog and peanut butter!

We finally received the papers on Louie Adrian Tovar III, son of Phoenix police commander Louie Anthony Tovar and it is worse than we expected.

The first issue we have with the documents is that the entire DR we requested (police report) redacted the name of Louis Adrian Tovar and only referred to him as "ADRIAN." This was our first clue that commander Louie Tovar himself or someone who was trying to hide something, redacted these documents. 

Imagine requesting a police report and the very subject and name of the Suspect or Criminal of the report is redacted?  They must have thought some dumbass like Steve Soha was requesting these!  This must be the first time in the history of the Phoenix PD this has happened, but it just goes to show you the lengths they will go through to protect the son of a cop and attempt to hide what we already know.  We immediately cancelled our check and demanded an un-redacted copy so the world may see the correlation between father, son uncle and nephew.

But as we peruse through the papers, a few things are blatantly apparent – most notably the current disposition of this case.

The investigating officer JB (a good cop by the way and we’re sorry that we had to mention you on this blog - that’s why we purposefully used initials so you won’t register in search engines… unlike some other assclowns like Jim Pina or Andy Anderson), was promoted to Sergeant and was reassigned to patrol.  This occurred on April 13, 2009.  Congratulations to JB, but bad news for all of us that have kids.  What this meant (or so we think) is no one picked up this case and no one continued the investigation or followed up with the county attorney’s office.   

Gee we wonder why?

Actually what we think is that the Phoenix PD saw this as an opportunity to allow this case to disappear and die a slow, silent death as time passed;  people would forget about a Phoenix police commander’s son who is a sexual deviant.

One of the last acts that JB did was submit charges to the prosecutor’s office on April, 13, 2009 requesting charges for Molestation and Sexual Conduct with a Minor on Louie Adrian Tovar III, from Glendale, AZ.  Since we see there was no one to follow up (no replacement for JB), nothing appears to have been done.

But then there’s BadPhoenixCops.com – we’ve been destroying dirty cops since 2008 and we’re damn proud of it!

The Tovar family thought they were in the clear, until we found out about.  No wonder they didn’t want us to get our public records request and their long court fights.  It’s painfully clear they wanted to stop us from sharing with the world what we know about a dirty Phoenix cop, and his son who buys stock in Jiffy peanut butter!  YIKES!  Poor Mark Tovar must be embarrassed he has such a nephew and brother.  They want to put this behind them (pun) but we sure don’t.  This is a slam-dunk conviction of a sex offender and no one wants to talk about it and pretend it never happened.

Even the girl who Adrian was dating at the time admitted Adrian was a creep and had to move away after their breakup to avoid him.  So Adrian’s next step was to try and become a Phoenix cop! 

Great job Louie senior! 

Are we so naive to believe no one in the family noticed that Adrian was asking you to change from creamy to extra chunky and slowly becoming a sommelier of Peanut Butter?   Wasn’t the red flag that the dog was over-weight and wanted peanut butter on anything he ate?  Didn’t the Tovar’s notice that every-time they gave the dog a pill wrapped in peanut butter, their kid was sporting a chub and the dog was wagging his tail?

And Adrian blames all this on the fact that his mom died while he was young?

 Oh- yeah we get it! 

Your mom dies, so you want a dog to lick your junk, AND you rub-one-out when you pass a playground?   You get a raging hard-on at 3:00PM each day when school is let out and don't know why?  

Yeah Louie – THAT makes perfect logical sense to us!!?  We’re so glad you were the leader of Phoenix Sex Crimes for so many years.  You are so observant and astute in your own household having worked around molesters all those years.  Little did you know what was right under your nose?  WTF was going on in the Tovar household during the 90s??? When we drive by Tutor Time or Montessori we get turned on looking at all the hot MILFs and soccer moms in their SUVs....not their kids.

Here is the redacted DR.  We filled in some blanks and were promised by the Phoenix PD we are to receive a more un-redacted DR.

LINK TO REDACTED Report - Louie Adrian Tovar - son of Phoenix Cop Louie Tovar

But sans the redaction problem, there are still a few key things missing.

As we stated earlier, the Phoenix PD must think we are stupid and won’t notice the glaring errors of omission. 

C’mon Phoenix PD!

Do you really think we are that stupid and wouldn’t notice?  The Phoenix PD has to know by now that everything we receive and every request written has a Phoenix cop behind it.  These good cops tell us what to request, how to request, the wording and phrases to use, and the Ops orders to cite.  And then when we don’t get what we request, we have cops on the 4th floor who tell us how, why and who is involved.  That’s how we operate; this is what makes an efficient dirty Phoenix cop destruction machine.

What’s missing?

So if this was turned down, where is the formal Turn Down letter on Louis Adrian Tovar?  If Furthers was requested (the county attorney’s office sometimes request “further” information to prosecute), so where is this?  Who is heading up this case and most importantly, where is the entire case management file so that we may make a request of Bill Montgomery to prosecute this individual? 

When you read the DR you will find admission of sexual abuse to minors including the performance of oral sex in the shower on a child, bestiality that included peanut butter, and masturbating while thinking about children.  And this guy freely roams the streets of Phoenix unfettered and not on any list?!!? God help us all from these dirty cops in the Phoenix PD.  This creep should be in prison with a wedge in his jaw.

So what’s the good news?  

The good news is Adrian did tell the investigating officer that he only had the dog lick peanut butter off of him, BUT WOULD NEVER, EVER THINK ABOUT putting his junk in his own dog’s ass. 
What was the officer thinking asking such an absurd question??!?

It appears Louie Adrian Tovar was offended by such a remark. Thank God the cop didn’t ask him about the dog’s own magenta meat crayon and his thoughts on what he would do with that!  We feel so much better knowing this and thankfully the dog was spared THAT humiliation.

Enjoy…but also be disgusted that this exists with the current Phoenix PD and was hidden by Jack Harris, Joe Yahner, Andy Anderson, Louie Tovar, Sandy Renteria and a whole bunch of other creeps in the Phoenix PD.

Keep in mind one thing while you read this.  Do you still want Joe Yahner as our next police chief or do you think someone from outside the state needs to come in?


Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia,  Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia,  Dallas Chief Danny Garcia,  Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia, Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Danny Garcia, Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia, Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Danny Garcia, Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia, Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Danny Garcia, Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia, Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Danny Garcia, Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Daniel Garcia, Assistant Chief Daniel Garcia, Dallas Chief Danny Garcia, Assistant Chief Danny Garcia, Dallas Chief Dan Garcia, Phoenix Chief Daniel Garcia

Sean Drenth’s Murder Mystery – Now Deemed a Suicide. In Other News, Christmas Will Fall on December 25th this Year. First time EVER a Suicide Cop Has a Massive Public Funeral at Tax Payers’ Expense

Thankfully the Maricopa County Coroner’s office had the balls to do what everyone else has been afraid to do – label Sean Drenth’s death a suicide. Even with the obvious, the Phoenix PD is keeping this an open investigation.  Gee isn’t it great the way they protect their own with our money? Arrogance at its best!
 
Drenth Case Labeled a Suicide - DOH!!!

 We called this one over a year ago

Our Blog on 11-22-10: Drenth Kills Himself Because Of What Jack Harris Did to Him

When the Capitol police and other first responders were on the scene for Drenth’s mishap, it was called in as 901Xray (suicide).  Everyone knew this was a suicide, except at the time Jack Harris didn’t want Drenth’s blood on his hands.  Harris had recently  launched another bogus investigation on cops taking pay for overtime, by either leaving jobs early or not showing up at all. In the past, any overtime mishaps simply had officers paying it back with a mere slap on the wrist.

 Don’t believe us?  Look what happened when two cackling worthless cunts named Tracy Montgomery and Sandy Renteria had a minor mis-accounting a few years back – when Jack Harris was an assistant chief and lead the investigation. All they did was pay the difference and get a slap on the wrist with no criminal indictments, news coverage and press releases.

Two Dumb Cunts And Their Overtime Investigation

But the Drenth case was different for chief Jack Ass and it was at a time when his integrity was being called into question. Jack Ass Harris was recently busted for lying about kidnapping stats and had recently had an officer named Chrisman murder an unarmed citizen. Chief Jack Ass was responsible for launching an investigator into Drenth and his buddies, and was desperate to deflect his bad PR to his subordinate and the South Mountain precinct.  What better way than to show he was “tough on cops”  and launch a fraud investigation into South Mountain – all for a couple of grand in overtime dollars. We spent so much more than this on the subsequent funeral and year-long investigation.

This is the first time EVER that a cop ANYWHERE was lauded and commended for his heroism with a fancy funeral and city dignitaries, for a suicide.

 Think about the tax payer dollars spent on a funeral, the overtime, the gas, the traffic, and a year-long investigation with subpoenas of DNA on something we all knew – that Drenth off’d himself with a shotgun. $100,000? $150,000? $200,000? $500,000? How many more jobs could we have filled with those dollars working real crimes and still have Drenth here with us?

 This was all set up and orchestrated by Jack Harris so he could get a photo of himself, handing a flag to a broken Widow – ironically a Widow he made by launching a meritless investigation on her husband!  

So what's our Christmas wish this year?

That Jack Harris has a stroke in his bath tub, after he finds out he has testicular cancer.

Jeff Hynes – Commander in the Phoenix PD Gets Demoted to Patrol and is Required to Be Deposed For Court. His Replacement Dave Harvey Thinks it's OK to Drink While On Duty

Jeff Hynes, former commander of PSB had more to do with this blog, then probably any individual in the Phoenix PD. While he isn’t part of Jack Harris’ Axis of Evil with the likes of assclowns Murray “Andy” Anderson, Eric Edwards and Jim Pina, he was responsible for a lot of Jack’s dirty work while at PSB.

Let us explain.

We found this spin article online about commander Jeff Hynes and his demotion to patrol. Dave Harvey, the guy who mixes liquor and airplanes is taking over for him as the leader of PSB (Internal Affairs).

You folks remember Dave?  He was the one in these photos where it appears drinking alcohol on the job and checking out girls' asses is OK.  Nothing like a little alcohol and guns while on duty!  Luckily there wasn't a hot call.

Dave Harvey - New PSB Commander Caught Drinking on the Job

Well this assclown Harvey is now heading up the Phoenix Police department's Internal Affairs -so we all know where this is heading. A road to nowhere where Jack Harris mandates how the "impartial investigations" are supposed to turn out.  Who’s next Ron Snodgrass? Lt. Frank Drebin? Officer Nordberg? Barney Fife to lead PSB?  Sweet Jesus!

Can’t we find anyone with a clean, unblemished record with some integrity and smarts to lead this group?  Aren't there any left?

Read the full article on Jeff Hynes’ demotion here:

Jeff Hynes Gets Demoted and Pretends He Really Wanted This

Trust us. This was not voluntary for Jeff Hynes. It was a demotion plain and simple. Jeff fucked up and Jack Ass Harris needed to deflect the shrapnel at Hynes.

Poor Jeff Hynes.

Like many before him, it appears he is not in good graces with the chief Jack Ass anymore and was the sacrificial lamb. Jeff Hynes shouldn’t look at this as a “loss” since being on BRADY, he should have never gotten the job in Professional Standards Bureau in the first place. We heard a few years back that Hynes was writing a book on Leadership.  We often wondered what happened to it and which chapter was going to cover completing paper work for Steyr-Aug rifles that cops weren't supposed to buy and then lying about it.

Hynes is replacing Sandra Renteria (yeah – you remember that name too from this blog).

Most notably the article states:

"Hynes replaces Cmdr. Sandra Renteria at Desert Horizon. Renteria will be reassigned Monday to City Hall” ….Renteria, who said she enjoyed "going to meetings and listening to people" to connect with residents". (They forgot to note that good ol Sandy also likes attending Phoenix Mercury games, dogs licking peanut butter in provocative places, women in flannel shirts and “butch” hair cuts.)

So what’s Jeff Hynes tie to this Blog?

Simply put, Hynes took over for the diminutive Louie Tovar after Louie was demoted to work Transit (that's our befuddled start nowhere, end nowhere light rail system that the homeless use.)  Hynes at anytime could have/should have investigated Louie Tovar, Sandra Renteria, Anthony “Bullet in the Ass” Brokaw and the very retarded Brandon “Corky” Huntley, but he refused.

Even after being specifically asked (unbeknownst to us until we recently saw this memo) by PLEA to investigate Louie Tovar, Jeff Hynes still refused.

AZPlea Makes a Request That Touches Close to Home

Jeff Hynes has spoken to our blogger Jeff about his ex wife’s antics - of lying, filing false police reports, violating Orders of Protection and the like (Hynes may or may not remember it) yet Jeff Hynes still refused to do anything. Our sources told us it was personally Jeff Hynes’ responsibility to view this Blog everyday, print it to hard copy and report it daily to chief Jack Ass Harris.

Jeff Hynes was also ultimately the boss of detective Theron Quaas and was at Dave Barnes’ house the morning of the illegal raids and stolen computer equipment. Jeff Hynes has known about the retaliation from Jack Ass Harris, Theron Quaas committing perjury, the retaliation against all good cops like Phil Roberts, Dave Barnes, Linnea Knowles and Rusty Stuart, but still has done nothing.

And now Jeff Hynes gets demoted to work 600 calling it, “another great opportunity.” Yeah right – if you believe that you’ll believe the crocodile tears of detective Heather Armstrong Polombo, that infamous Mexican Mafia “hit” she has on her, and that she has never had the need to drink cranberry juice for medicinal purposes.

Recently the Phoenix PD and the State lost their motion to dismiss Blogger Jeff and his counsel Jess Lorona from interviewing Jeff Hynes. Our Blogger plans on deposing all these creeps since it is well known they are all operating under chief Jack Ass Harris’ directive. Our blogger has details of meetings, dates and who was present in those meetings, so lying won’t be an option.

Probably the best moment during Ted Campagnolo’s argument against Lorona deposing Jeff Hynes was his exasperated and incensed plea to the judge that was something along the lines of:

“Your honor…this blogger Jeff is involved in a website….that….that…well…let’s just say…it’s not very kind about the management of the Phoenix PD. Everything ….just about everything…..Jeff Hynes says will probably be used and posted on a blog….” or something along those lines.

It really showed a distressed lawyer knowing he lost and knowing what will be the inevitable results of such a deposition. We wondered why they would fight so hard to exclude Jeff Hynes, maybe we now know why. And public records are just that – records that the public may see and hear! Ted Campagnolo needs a lesson on open and free disclosure. Didn’t he learn anything with the Polombos?

Do you think Jeff Hynes will “break with rank” and tell the truth?

He’d better.

We know Hynes reads this blog. We know of his Public Records Request to find out how we got the BRADY List and his Steyr-Aug employee intake form, in an attempt to find out how we know, what we know. It was a valiant attempt but we know it lead nowhere. We know Jeff Hynes lost the Peoria job and even took a few days off as a result, to recoup. We are also told his job was to look at this blog everyday, and print the comments and the entries.
(BTW…In case you were wondering why we changed the background on this blog to all black a few months back – this was the reason. We figured if the Phoenix PD were printing off this blog and the associated comments each day, we ought to make it fun and make them burn through a few hundred toner cartridges in the process. Did it work? HA!  The Joke is on you guys…fucktards!)

Jeff Hynes, you are one of those rare individuals – where half our sources like you and the other ½ wish you would move back to Canada, bust out your Sarah McLachlan CDs and start putting mayonnaise on your French fries again. Those who do like you say you are a good guy who like many are reaching for the brass ring, but you are likely getting the golden middle finger from chief Jack Ass, and now being thrown under the bus like so many before you.

We can assure you commander Hynes that when Jess Lorona gets to you, it will be unpleasant. Then you will have to deal with Craig Mehrens and he’s a salty, angry SOB. You can already surmise the kinds of questions you will be asked. You replaced Louie Tovar, were asked to investigate Louie Tovar, had the little lying Theron Quaas in your organization and had the ability to change so much, but you didn’t. We have a great list of questions for you, so go get some AstroGlide and get ready.

Jeff Hynes will have the opportunity to “come clean” and tell everyone how Jack Ass Harris was directing him, or take all the arrows himself. It’s his choice. We guess only time will tell when deposition time comes and how he will act. And remember Jeff – you can’t lie during a deposition – even if you are asked about your wife leaving you for another cop or the humiliation of being a BRADY LIST veteran for 14 years.

Any good Phoenix cops have any questions you would like Jess Lorona to incorporate in his deposition, please let us know and we will forward them on.

We’re Back! – And Commander Louie Tovar’s Son is Investigated for Child Molestation!

We have not gone anywhere and no one shut us down.

C'mon!

Did you think Steve Soha pulled his connections in Homeland Security?

NOT!!!!

We strongly encourage you to download FireFox. Go to http://www.mozilla.com/ to find it.

It will install a little icon in your bottom toolbar and you can view the site anytime, all the time, without having to worry about IE screwing it up. Firefox is way, way better than Internet Explorer. We never use IE and actually didn’t know there was a problem with the site until a few of you contacted us.

Well…Lot’s has been happening. So much more bullshit going on in the PPD, but more importantly is the story about Louie Tovar, and his kid trying to become a cop.

As the story goes, little Louie’s son tried 3 years ago to become a cop. During the interview, a couple of things came up that were less than favorable in his background. We're not sure why this wasn't reported and assume there was a cover-up.

Fast forward 3 years.

The PPD call Louie’s house to invite his son back in for another interview. Dumb Louie, thinks that it is for his son to be re interviewed to be a cop and proudly brings his son in. Well it appears Louie’s son admitted to playing hide the meat puppet with Louie’s nephew a few years back - and who knows what other kids - and it all came out during the interview. So Louie brings his kid in, is taken to another room, and they start reading his son his Miranda Rights!

You can't lie during one of those...ya know? It looks like a huge investigation is underway and the cops who ignored this or brushed it aside 3 years ago are going to get a freight train crammed up their ass. Little Louie had the rug pulled from underneath him – all by his former Lieutenant, now Commander, Sandra Renteria.

Louie when we first heard this story - we really, really felt bad for you….being it was your son....

but not really Louie...we think you are inept and worthless...Just like your Chief Jack Ass.

Feeling bad only lasted for about 3.5 seconds.

Karma sucks…Doesn’t it Louie?

I mean we all knew you were a worthless little prick, suffering from a Napoleon Complex - we just didn't know it ran in the family. What exactly goes on in your house at night Louie?

What comes around goes around. Now you get a little taste of what every good cop goes through with bullshit NOIs and citizens who experience malicious prosecution.

You might get a sympathy card from us, but you are such a "dickweed" we won’t bother and will relish in the fact that the PPD that you protected and lied for, is now giving you and your family a major ass fucking. Maybe they are trying to, "Get you off their ass?"


"It's just the fucking nature of the game with these dickweeds...ya know? They just keep going and they will ask these same questions of Chief Harris...I'm not say do it now..."

Take a listen here Louie and remember what you said...

www.badphoenixcops.com/Bad_Phoenix_Cops.html

Like we stated earlier...Karma's a bitch!

If you had not fucked this whole thing up for the department - which was the catalyst that generated the BPC site and this BLOG - maybe your dirty little family secret would have been kept in the PPD closet. Maybe you could have retired with your hidden indiscretions like other FOJs.

If you hate us and what's published on this Blog...then hate yourself too! You see Louie all you had to do was your job. Imagine that!

Be honest, protect citizens and don't maliciously prosecute anyone! Investigate what needs to be investigated and not label people Suspects when they are not! You needed to reprimand your dumb fuck detective Bullet-in-the-Ass Brokaw and his bosses - Corky the Retard Huntley and the Renteria - but you didn't.

...And Sandy turned on you! Isn't that sweet justice?

You had the Red Ruby slippers and you fucked up.

Oh well...

The Code of Silence is Broken

Jack, his Assistant Chiefs and all the FOJs are like long-tailed cats in a roomful of rocking chairs.

The Code of Silence is Broken.

The rumors are true. We meet with more cops in a week, then Michael Napier. They come to us in droves - current cops, retired cops, soon-to-be retired cops, cops that got screwed by PSB, Jack and FOJs. We meet for coffee, we meet for dinner, we meet in homes, we meet in groups, we meet in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Tempe and Glendale. We meet with them in their uniforms and they drive to meet us in their Police cars! They bring documents and proof of corruptions and cover-ups.

They are feed up with Jack Harris, the Asst. Chiefs, and all the FOJs who are mentioned here.

We meet with the wives of cops! These are the best! They aren’t the kind of meetings that some cops mentioned here had (Mike), but these ladies have had to deal with 15, 20, 25 years of their husbands and their livelihood existing in a system of corruption and ineptitude, most recently with Jack Harris. They listen to crap every night for years and just don’t care anymore and are trying to save their marriages. The best accolades we get are from these wives who tell us that their husbands, after years of persecution, now see hope. Their husbands now laugh. They smile. They have a renewed sense of purpose – all because of this site, what gets posted here, and what is happening.

Keep spinning your wheels Jack Ass and the 4th floor.

You’re all just too stupid to figure it out and figure out what’s going on here. There was a time when a cop showing up at our door meant trouble and now they come bringing years of corruptions and cover-ups. You can't hurt them anymore. Any punishment you deal out is so far less then being brought up and mentioned here!

Want proof of that? Have you spoken to or seen Polombo lately? The man is frazzled and coming apart at the seems. His big book deal he was hoping for is over. The investigations are coming. It's going to be like a freight train going up his ass. The man can't probably pee straight at this point. This Blog has rocked his Foundation! You better send this guy on a forced medical leave before he snaps.

We bet never in a million years would you have thought it was going to go this way. We bet you never thought civilians would have you all running around so frantically and creating chaos and pandemonium on the 4th floor. There isn’t a precinct we don’t have access to, a division we don’t have allies, a meeting that doesn’t occur where a BPC cop is there, listening. Our ears and eyes are everywhere, and it’s sometimes the guy/gal sitting next to you or behind you! They learned from the best on how to deceive! They’ve been watching you Jack and your Band of Losers for years and now its time for payback.

And it’s growing. Each week it grows.

So Jack…Is this the “fucking nature of game” that Louie Tovar mentioned in those fateful voicemails? Don’t you wish you just did your investigations and fired the whole bunch of them when we asked?

We like this game Jack. It’s a game we play well. And unlike you, we don’t simply play the game “not to lose.” We play to win! We keep hearing you and Lannon are leaving in December. Why don’t you both just leave now quietly and save everyone the trouble? You could take the rest of your Snakes like Polombo, Snodgrass, Montgomery, Anderson, Hoover and Soha with you!

Oh yeah… one more thing…..Andy Anderson: Our record request was sent to you. Don’t get too mad. They’re only emails we want to see! We think these emails will tell a good story for our "research." We heard you flipped out at the first request for emails. Maybe by now you have cooled down. We will await your reply. More requests are to come.

Application for a Position with Sandra Renteria

We heard that Sandy sacked two officers recently, so we thought we might apply for a position with her. We loved watching Adam12 and Emergency! as kids. Here is why Sandy and the PPD should hire us:

1) We heard Sandy in the voicemails with Louie Tovar. This cackling hen saying “Yeah” is nothing short of sexy. Nothing is finer then to hear a woman agreeing with and supporting a boss with a Napoleon complex, like Louie Tovar.

2) We are civilians just like Jack Harris. That ought to qualify us for at least a Sergeant or Lieutenant position – and we might even consider testing for it! Perhaps you could offer us an honorary Colonel position – like Colonel Sanders or Colonel Tom Parker? We bet we could swindle our way into a Board position with AZ POST with a fancy title like that!

3)We don’t drink and drive, we don’t lie, we won’t cover things up, we don't sexually harass, and we promise to investigate and be honest – can we be Phoenix Cops if we have scruples?

4)Our nephew has Autism. It’s very tough, be we handle it well and it tests our strength daily. Any person with a special needs person in their family understands what we are going thru. It gives us great experience for working with utter morons like Brandon Huntley, Anthony Brokaw, Steve Soha, and Jack Harris.

5) We like to think we coined the phrases “Fucktard” and “Assclown.” Perhaps we can integrate these 2 words in the daily life of the PPD and all their reports. EX: “That fucktard Kevin Robinson failed - yet again - with another EEO complaint,” or “Andy Anderson is such an Assclown for creating a road rage incident with his daughter in the car...”

6) We can throw wilder more outrageous parties than Tracey Montgomery and everyone gets to keep their clothes on!

7) We think what Dave Barnes did was commendable, as a matter or record, downright ballsy! We would be doing this E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!

8) Unlike sergeant Polombo we never like taking work or evidence home – so you have no worries there and no cross contamination to worry about.

9) We could bring some fun to the department…Bring your pets to work on Mondays, Flip-Flop- Fridays, Ron Snodgrass Hawaiian shirt Wednesdays, Dildo Thursday Nights with Martin, Tequila Tuesdays with Soha, Pin the Tail on the Jack Harris, sumo wrestling with Kevin, Gladiator nights with Blake http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHEivPHjimw an Assclown of the Week Award– the possibilities are endless!

10) We could also moonlight as writers for PLEA and THE RECAP. I understand that a few of your sergeants and lieutenants have a side business training other officer on company time and at the tax-payers expense, so our writing shouldn’t be a problem.

Won’t you please hire us? We think we could make a wonderful addition to the Phoenix PD.

(If the cops who were sacked by Sandy want to reach out to us and tell their story, then please contact us. We would love to hear from you!!!)