We heard that Sandy sacked two officers recently, so we thought we might apply for a position with her. We loved watching Adam12 and Emergency! as kids. Here is why Sandy and the PPD should hire us:1) We heard Sandy in the voicemails with Louie Tovar. This cackling hen saying “Yeah” is nothing short of sexy. Nothing is finer then to hear a woman agreeing with and supporting a boss with a Napoleon complex, like Louie Tovar.
2) We are civilians just like Jack Harris. That ought to qualify us for at least a Sergeant or Lieutenant position – and we might even consider testing for it! Perhaps you could offer us an honorary Colonel position – like Colonel Sanders or Colonel Tom Parker? We bet we could swindle our way into a Board position with AZ POST with a fancy title like that!
3)We don’t drink and drive, we don’t lie, we won’t cover things up, we don't sexually harass, and we promise to investigate and be honest – can we be Phoenix Cops if we have scruples?
4)Our nephew has Autism. It’s very tough, be we handle it well and it tests our strength daily. Any person with a special needs person in their family understands what we are going thru. It gives us great experience for working with utter morons like Brandon Huntley, Anthony Brokaw, Steve Soha, and Jack Harris.
5) We like to think we coined the phrases “Fucktard” and “Assclown.” Perhaps we can integrate these 2 words in the daily life of the PPD and all their reports. EX: “That fucktard Kevin Robinson failed - yet again - with another EEO complaint,” or “Andy Anderson is such an Assclown for creating a road rage incident with his daughter in the car...”
6) We can throw wilder more outrageous parties than Tracey Montgomery and everyone gets to keep their clothes on!
7) We think what Dave Barnes did was commendable, as a matter or record, downright ballsy! We would be doing this E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!
8) Unlike sergeant Polombo we never like taking work or evidence home – so you have no worries there and no cross contamination to worry about.
9) We could bring some fun to the department…Bring your pets to work on Mondays, Flip-Flop- Fridays, Ron Snodgrass Hawaiian shirt Wednesdays, Dildo Thursday Nights with Martin, Tequila Tuesdays with Soha, Pin the Tail on the Jack Harris, sumo wrestling with Kevin, Gladiator nights with Blake http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHEivPHjimw an Assclown of the Week Award– the possibilities are endless!
10) We could also moonlight as writers for PLEA and THE RECAP. I understand that a few of your sergeants and lieutenants have a side business training other officer on company time and at the tax-payers expense, so our writing shouldn’t be a problem.
Won’t you please hire us? We think we could make a wonderful addition to the Phoenix PD.
(If the cops who were sacked by Sandy want to reach out to us and tell their story, then please contact us. We would love to hear from you!!!)
2 comments:
She should watch herself, she could end up like her donut bumping buddy Tracey.
There is a problem with the Phoenix Police Department; the problem is corruption. I see your site as a PLEA for help. It is so obvious that cops are venting here. The State Attorney General really needs to look at the systemic rot that is management at the Phoenix Police Department. From EEO issues, disciplinary disparity, the Crime Lab, an understaffed Airport, investigative cover ups, lies and deceit!
This is the stuff of a Consent Decree.
You hear managers say, "be careful what you ask for." Well the beatings continued and moral never got better. I say bring on the DOJ. The men and women who really make a difference here will have to change nothing. It seems to me that the DOJ would ask that we be honest in our dealings, treat people fairly, and follow the Constitution. Now there's a concept! So are they suggesting that the DOJ has a different mission than they do? So what exactly does the DOJ mission statement say? Hmmmmm.
“To enforce the law and defend the interests of the United States according to the law; to ensure public safety against threats foreign and domestic; to provide federal leadership in preventing and controlling crime; to seek just punishment for those guilty of unlawful behavior; and to ensure fair and impartial administration of justice for all Americans.”
Or how about the introduction to the Los Angeles PD Consent Decree. I found it telling:
“I. INTRODUCTION
A. General Provisions
1. The United States and the City of Los Angeles, a chartered municipal corporation in the State of California, share a mutual interest in promoting effective and respectful policing. They join together in entering this settlement in order to promote police integrity and prevent conduct that deprives persons of rights, privileges, or immunities secured or protected by the Constitution or laws of the United States.
2. In its Complaint, plaintiff United States alleges that the City of Los Angeles, the Los Angeles Board of Police Commissioners, and the Los Angeles Police Department (collectively, "the City defendants") are violating 42 U.S.C. § 14141 by engaging in a pattern or practice of unconstitutional or otherwise unlawful conduct that has been made possible by the failure of the City defendants to adopt and implement proper management practices and procedures. In making these allegations, the United States recognizes that the majority of Los Angeles police officers perform their difficult jobs in a lawful manner.”
I see the issue as the feds do. The vast majority of men and women of the Phoenix PD perform their duties in a lawful manner. It is the failed managers who create this mess. Phoenix cops aren’t half as afraid of dopers, bangers, and cartel henchmen as they are of the ruthless managers throughout this department. Pissing and moaning about pins on a real cop’s uniform is just symptomatic of the underlying larger cancer. Corruption rarely starts at the line officer. They don’t have the access to the political players or the real money guys. It starts at the top. From having all those parking tickets fixed a few years back, to a multi million dollar debacle they watch from their balcony. They forget that we serve all of the people, those who can’t defend themselves and those that choose not to.
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